sometimes people act so stupid, when it comes to understanding me, it makes me cry. in this corner. you tell them just leave but they’ll stay right there. you say: just go! but no, they’re right there. it’s like talking to a chimp. what the hell is wrong with these people?
I just tell them: don’t bother me. I never ask you any favors. you, please, do the same. do not contact me. I have no interest in helping with your self-created problems. just like you. you decide 1 thing. that thing brings on problems, then you bother me with asking for help. just don’t. if you can’t handle it, don’t fucking do it.
they rely on other people, including me, on their everyday life activities. that’s bullshit. I never do that. and I know for sure if I do ask them for help, they’ll reject me. they have done before.
just leave me hell alone. that’s it. that’s really it. I don’t know how to say it. it is soooo simple. LEAVE ME ALONE.
if I see God, I’ll kick him right in the cunt right in front of his own people. I don’t care who the fuck you are, when you see a child dying of hunger and a world full of shit like this, you do something. this asshole just sits up there, staring at people and telling them to watch for their actions. fuck you you disgusting piece of shit. God is a big pussy.
I can’t stand people. even my close family members. even for 5 seconds. my head explodes. it hurts. hurts bad. I wish I was alone for all my life. I wish I never new any human. I can’t take it. I really can’t. why no one believes me. I swear I can’t take people. I don’t know why. go ask God. but know I can’t.
Guys, what is “BIGGEST FANS” section in Activity page? what is it used for? it changes every day. I don’t know what does it mean. help?
in high school, I wrote a little story. I read it in class to everyone. it was about a day in school, from my perspective. all people were zombies or dictators and morons. it was pretty funny actually. not to me of course (I tried to be funny but I thought it was not that funny), because I just wrote what I was seeing. but everyone laughed. I got standing ovation, EVERYONE including my teacher.
I just remembered those days. those long gone days. I have some writing experience from my young life. I was/am really interested in writing. but it did not happen. I just stopped. it makes me sad. I thought I had a talent.
maybe I’ll type the thing if I find that piece of paper ever or maybe I’ll just write it all again for Tumblr (not that anyone cares or is interested).
I’ve been dreaming about killing someone. this asshole. fuck dumb shit. fuck him. it won’t let go. the dream. comes and stays. I know it’s stupid as shit. who would think that? but the thought of doing it…it’s just there. giving so many reasons. logical and believable reasons. but the law says no. people say no too. right, but they’re stupid. I’m not. what if the law is wrong? who decides that? let’s go back, when laws where created. it was like hell, so they created laws. OK I get it. but I object. I still think it’s stupid. holy shit where was I? I’m sleepy. no wonder, I did not eat the whole day. I should eat more. god dammit where was I? I’m tired of it. why I think like that. “asshole? OK. let go” I should say…but “no”, it says. “you’re mad. remember?” I have problem letting go. I have problem adapting. I cannot not get sad. I don’t want to. but I do. I get so mad. sad and mad. I like a stupid newbie in poetry. just because of 2 words? poets write millions of letters and that’s an underestimate. a big one. shit where was I? I’m tired. really? you’re tired but you insist on writing the damn period? yes, it’s the right thing to do, the correct way. I have to put the dot for it will be incomplete, imperfect. I mean it’s a rule…a sentence is completed…but I’m tired…hours and hours and hours…days and days and days…but still, I’m tired…
I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. tomorrow 4 PM.
maybe I won’t show up. I’m dubious, not sure, hesitating. I don’t know.
right now, I’m not willing to…I won’t. but I don’t know about tomorrow…
every time I open my mouth and talk, I insult/upset someone.
I’m not lying or making fun of anyone. I’m not the one to blame.
some herbalist dude gave me names of a bunch of plants so I can run an content/nutrient/chemical compound analysis on them. he was looking for a supposedly natural way to help with hairloss or whatever he thinks he is doing.
it was 2 month ago. I completely forgot about it and then BAM he calls today! fuuuuuck.
my satellite reciever is dead. it’s not working. don’t know why but there was a blackout 2 hours ago. I think it did something.
so…I don’t have TV. this sucks.
the antihistamine I took is reaching it’s peak and that is giving me a minor headache. but it’s OK. I knew this would happen and I’m ready for it!
for those interested: headache caused by antihistamine is because this drugs tightens blood vessels (narrowing them) which results in higher blood pressure which in the end results in headache. also maybe higher heart rate. which I am also having.
P.S.: man I just realized I sound like a lunatic scientist! who does this?
runny nose and body aches, so I took two 25mgs Baclofen tablets + 1 antihistamine decongestant almost 2 hours ago. I feel a little bit dizzy but overall, it’s awesome. I’ve been feeling shitty all week, but not tonight. and I’m gonna keep taking them drugs. although I think I should keep baclofen around that 25mgs and not 50 mgs.
again, if I don’t use drugs, I’ll go nuts.
when I’m reading something on the internet, I read the word “god”, “dog”. the after a second I realize the word is actually “GOD”. is it me or does this really happens more than I think to other people too?