Posts tagged chat

Posted 11 months ago

This is how the conversation between me and my crush would go if she rejects me

  1. Me: I love you so much, come to me. let's be together. you're so mine.
  2. Crush: look I know how you feel. I've been there. but I can't. I don't have any feelings for you. you should let me be.
  3. Me: Wow I just said I love you and that's your response? fuck you and your feelings. I hope you die soon. I'll be dressed as a clown at your funeral, making people laugh. go fuck yourself.
Posted 12 months ago
  1. Taxi Driver: mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble
  2. Me: ha! did you say something? you're talking to me?
  3. Taxi Driver: I asked you a question. there is no one else in this car but me and you. where your mind is at?
  4. Me: Oh sorry. is out there on the street counting doors of cars.
  5. Taxi Driver: oh how you do that?
  6. Me: like 1, 2, 3, 4...1, 2, 3, 4...1, 2, 3, 4...1, 2, 3, 4...
  7. Taxi Driver: OK OK just stop.
Posted 1 year ago

king of idiots

  1. Someone: Hi! you're a dietitian right?
  2. Me: yup
  3. Someone: I have CD. give me a GF
  4. Me: because I am a nutritionist, you want me to find a Girlfriend for you because you have a Compact Disc?
  5. Someone: no idiot! I have Celiac Disease and I want a Gluten Free diet. but not anymore...wow! MORON.
Posted 1 year ago

Life is beautiful....NOT!

  1. Friend: what makes you barf, vomit, throw up?
  2. Me: hearing this: there is so much beauty to life.
  3. Friend: so you think life is not beautiful?
  4. Me: of course there are some. but ugly aspect of life is way more bigger than it's beautiful side.
Posted 1 year ago

My miserable real life (not pretending/pretentious social media life) problem

  1. Friend: what the hell is your problem man? you're always cranky and shitty. what the fuck?
  2. Me: you see Mr. Michael Buble sings: "it's a beautiful day and I can't stop smiling". my problem is: I am never like that.
  3. Friend: OK. have ever heard of a medicine called Cocaine?
Posted 1 year ago

No Tolerance Policy

  1. Friend: what do you do when he/she cheats on you?
  2. Me: what do you do when someone shots a person? whatever the reason, the shooter has to face the consequences. getting cheated on hurts. go after his/her family/friends/money/dignity. whatever that causes the most damage. no tolerance, no mercy. people should think twice before cheating.
Posted 1 year ago

why I need to know it all?

  1. People: what is the Recommended Daily Allowance for Calcium?
  2. Me: I don't know
  3. People: what is the Recommended Daily Allowance for Vitamin A?
  4. Me: I don't know
  5. People: what is the Recommended Daily Allowance for Thiamine?
  6. Me: look, yes I am studying nutrition. but it does not mean that I should know every single amount or number or percent. I do memorize some but not all. I'm about diagnoses and solution. numbers belong in books.
Posted 1 year ago

DO NOT PUSH

  1. Girlfriend: do you love me?
  2. Me: no
  3. Girlfriend: yes you do, you just won't say it
  4. Me: no I like you a lot but I don't know about love
  5. Girlfriend: you're just teasing me...(makes dumb faces)...I love you too
  6. Me: lady! you're gonna be heart-broken
Posted 1 year ago

thanks

  1. Mom: I think you're a moron honey
  2. Me: HEY! don't tell me something I already know
Posted 1 year ago

Yes I Am

  1. Mom: why did you bite him?
  2. Me: he called me names.
  3. Mom: OK. but why bite his neck?
  4. Me: because I'm a vampire. that's what we do.
Posted 1 year ago
  1. jerk: you remind me of a serial killer I saw in the news
  2. me: you remind me of my poop from this morning. btw, I flushed you away.
Posted 1 year ago

waste your time

  1. Friend: I have a feeling that I waste too much valuable time. I need to find a way to control this. any suggestions?
  2. Me: yes actually. observe my daily life actions and DON'T DO what I do.
Posted 1 year ago

some times you need to hit them hard

  1. Someone: you know, I'm not the person I used to be. I've changed. a lot.
  2. Me: what can I say or do that will make you understand that I do not care about you or your life?
Posted 1 year ago

so I have a question

  1. Some Idiot: so then you're a dietitian?
  2. Me: you could say that. 2 more months to go.
  3. Some Idiot: that's good enough for me. I have a question?
  4. Me: lay it on me.
  5. Some Idiot: How do you lose weight? (with a dumb face like he is asking a million dollar question and GOD is about to give the best answer and solve this mystery of life.)
  6. Me: just don't fucking eat.
Posted 1 year ago

when it' s not a good time to tell a joke...

  1. Friend: why did the chicken cross the road?
  2. Me: I don't know about the chicken but I did it to get away from the idiots surrounding me.